Gran Torino

Not the car. I don't know anything about cars. And I tried to watch the movie but stopped halfway through because I didn't like how people were getting beaten up. Apparently it's a brilliant movie, but I'm really fussy with movies unfortunately, which is one of my faults. I wish I was one of those people who could watch any genre and enjoy everything, but no. I had to be picky and not appreciate great films. One of my faults that I'm really annoyed about.

Anyway, I digress. 'Gran Torino,' the song, that was written for the movie, is what I absolutely love. I discovered it when I was at my nonna's house one day and just flicking through the channels with her and commenting on the amount of rubbish that is on during the day, when all of a sudden I came across a Michael Parkinson masterclass show featuring the musician, Jamie Cullum. He is a contemporary jazz-pop musician who is incredibly talented. The way he talks about music and demonstrated how he composes, was mind-blowing. And being a jazz fan myself (absolutely love Frank Sinatra, who I've mentioned in an earlier Music Monday post), I was fascinated to hear his works and instantly fell into complete adoration for 'Gran Torino.'

The song is a narration of the transformation the protagonist undergoes within the movie, with the point of view of the old man who lived his life in bitterness and loneliness, but when he (in the movie) comes across and makes the unlikely friendship with an Asian teen, he realises that he has been seeing the world in the wrong way. It's quite inspirational saying: "so tenderly your story is nothing more than what you see or what you've done or will become" telling the listener to "stand strong" and asking whether they feel as if they "belong in [their] skin." I think those are quite powerful lyrics that transcend wider than the context of the movie, and out to the individual listener.

The song and movie (I'm sure) leaves the listener with the ultimate message of: "your world is nothing more than all the tiny things you've left behind." The character had only demonstrated love and affection towards his Gran Torino car, but by the end, he feels love and affection towards others. It's a sad song too, because he lived so much of his life without this; "I drink instead on my own," it's a song of reflection for anyone who listens to it. But not only are the lyrics so deep, but the piano is stunning. The type of song you'd listen to on your own late at night.

Life Drawing Class #5 #6 and #7

I'm so behind with keeping up to date with my posts about life drawing class. I'm still loving it and still in love with charcoal and it seems my hands get even more covered with it each week. Anyway, brief overview about the past three weeks. Week 5 was the usual routine of the different minute sketches, with this sketch being my best from the week:

a twenty minute sketch

But in week 6, things got a bit more interesting. I accidentally used the compressed charcoal instead of the usual willow charcoal. Willow charcoal is easy to use, as it is lighter and easy to smudge and use for shading, as well as being able to rub out, whereas compressed charcoal is a lot darker, harder to smudge and impossible to rub out. But you know what, I realised that compressed charcoal is a lot more fun to use. I liked how it was bolder and was really black and not the ashy grey colour of the willow and it created a new challenge. So, even though this happened because of my incompetence with the existence of different types of charcoal, week 6 became my favourite week so far. My hands by the end of it were absolutely filthy and it took me five washes and one shower to get the majority of the charcoal off. Week 6 was my experimental week (left is the twenty minute sketch, which combines the willow and the compressed, while the right is the ten minute sketch with just the compressed):

I also experimented with using pastel chalk, which I used for shading with the willow, as well as using the compressed as the main dominant lines to shape the figure. I have to say, this resulted to my favourite sketch that I have done in the whole course, partly because I used three different drawing materials, but also because I did it in five minutes and was completely winging it:

Now today (week 7) was different to all the other weeks, not only because now compressed charcoal has been introduced into my life, but also because this week was the first week we've had a male model. This posed new challenges, because the muscle definition is more prominent than a females, which meant we had to focus a lot on the shading with the darkness and light, and I think after today, my shading has improved a lot since I started the class seven weeks ago. 

ten minute sketch using willow charcoal 

The next two sketches were done in twenty minutes, using the willow charcoal initially for shading and shaping, and then later I added the compressed charcoal of the main lines and the darker shading. 

Talking to the Moon

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I listened to all the Bruno Mars songs I own (which are all his songs, because I love his work). His voice is just so incredible and his tunes are just so catchy and I love singing along with him. Even all his collaborations, like 'Young, wild and free' (love it!) or 'Lighters' (also love it!) and 'Billionaires' (and once again, love it!). But today, because I listened to every song that he has written, I'm going to talk about my absolute favourite song of his and one of my top favourite songs in general, which is the very underrated song "Talking to the moon"

Even though I don't like the 'Twilight saga' due to a stubborn protest I made when I was younger, however the soundtrack to all of those movies, where really good. 'Talking to the moon' was in the soundtrack, but I do not hold that against it, because this song is just so beautiful. I'm really addicted to the sadder song, so even the bop-py and uplifting songs of Bruno Mars, I still gravitate towards his slower ones, like 'When I was your man.' But the amount of times I'm lying down and just staring off into space and just spontaneously start singing:

At night when the stars light up my room

I sit by myself, talking to the moon.

Trying to get to you.

In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too.

Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

And I end up belting it out if I'm home by myself, especially near the ending... specifically when it's 2:47 into the song (the version I have, which I actually couldn't find on youtube, there are all these different kind of versions but none of them are the same as what I have, which is weird), when he goes all out and sings with all his heart and soul. Such a powerful ending, but this version below doesn't have it... craziness (sigh). So I highly encourage you all to explore the different versions of his song, because it is absolutely dazzling. 

The empty backyard

This post is going to be a bit of a downer, sorry. In my last post I spoke about how things were very overwhelming, and how things are just piling up and more dramas are appearing out of the blue which jolts me a bit more and today just confirmed all this. Today my cat, who I've had since I was four years old, was put down (that's always a cheery conversation starter). So, obviously I'm sad, but I didn't cry and my mum even was like "I thought you'd be more upset than this," but just because I don't necessarily show I'm affected by something, doesn't mean that I'm heartless. I love my cat and it was terrible saying goodbye to her this morning, because she had no clue what was going to happen to her and I felt like I was betraying her and sending her off to her death. I think I feel more guilty than anything else, like I've let her down. So, instead of crying, instead of moping around, I'm going to use this post as a platform to write a sort of eulogy. It's hardly going to be profound, but it's something to acknowledge her life, even though anyone who is reading this has never met her.

A picture I drew of her when I was four, which I have framed on my desk

In loving memory:

The reason why I got a cat in the first place was because my nonna believed that every child should have a pet. Up until then, I had a pet rock that was painted and had eyes stuck on it. I had always wanted a pet, either a cat or dog, someone to explore the garden with me. And I still remember the day I was visiting my nonna and nonno and they gave me this kitten that was so tiny, even to a four year old. Mum wasn't happy about it, because she claimed to not being an animal person, but she agreed and very soon, she really loved our cat.

When coming up with a name, I remember I couldn't get to sleep that night, and dad had finished reading my bed time story, so we began brainstorming ideas. Dad said "what about Fifi?" and I was like "No! That's a dogs name" and then I said "It has to be a biscuity sounding name," which I have no idea what that means. I think it's because my cousin at the time had a cat called Polly and my brain thought: Polly= "Polly want a cracker"= biscuit. So I wanted a name that ended with a Y sound. And unfortunately I came up with an inappropriate name for my cat, but I didn't know it was inappropriate at the time and was confused why my dad never called her by her name. He tried to make me change my mind, but I was just as stubborn then as I am now.

I can't go into every story about her, but here a just a few throughout the years:
-In my childhood she would always be my familiar when I would pretend to be a viking-witch-healer and we would go around the garden together collecting weeds that I would then chop up and turn into muddy concoctions.
-When I was a bit older, she would lie in the middle of the lawn while my dad and I would play badminton in summer and she would watch us play: she was my mascot.
-In high school I would go out in the garden on nice days and would write poetry while patting her or I would read to her. I remember the time when I had to read 'Animal Farm' for English and she was sitting on my lap while I was reading out loud to her, and she scratched me! That's how clever she was.

Her favourite thing to do was sleep in the sun. Every time I would come home from school, she would greet me in the driveway by brushing against my legs. Like owner, like pet, she had a massive appetite, and would always stand by the door and meow until she got food, which I'd give her even when it wasn't her dinner time. She was a constant in my life for over sixteen years, and even when she was older and looking a bit like Old Tom, she still had personality. Last night I was eating an orange and afterwards when I was giving her a pat, she licked my fingers and it was hilarious how she jumped back because she didn't like the taste of orange. She only liked eating tuna.

I think the hardest part of having someone gone is that you notice how much presence they had. For a cat, she seemed to fill up all of the space in the garden, so now when I look out the window, my backyard seems empty.

This is my cat when she was a kitten- it's not the best quality photo, but believe me, she was the most beautiful cat.

Let yourself go

Just going to put it out there: I've been a bit overwhelmed with stuff this week. You know when you've got so much stuff to do and so much stuff to organise and it's all piling up (quite literally, paperwork is piling up on my floor) and you just reach a state where you are like: "can't fit anything more in my head. It's too much to take in, so nup! I don't have anything. I'm on top of things. I am so in control right now"- all the while, you're just in deep denial? I felt that way when I was in my final year of high school and I feel that way now, and I know the perfect song for that feeling. The absolute perfect song, which is Green Day's "Let yourself go"

I'm not going to quote any of the lyrics because it's got a bit of swearing, in fact, it's quite explicit with the swearing, so I apologise in advance. But MAN! they are hitting the nail on the head. This song is the reason why music exists: it puts your emotions into words and transcends them to a sound that is shared universally, and you realise that you're not the only one who feels a certain way. Because I really have reached a point where I just don't want to deal with any more paper work or any more drama. However, the paper work and the drama just keeps growing on a daily basis, which I said to one of my friends: I don't know whether I should laugh, cry or just shrug and say "meh." But over the past couple of days, I've been listening to all of my Green Day songs (because they are one of my favourite bands for a reason, and not just because I have a crush on Billie Joe Armstrong) and I partly have come to the conclusion that I'm just going to embrace everything and laugh, then run. I don't know. I'm very confused and befuddled and discombobulated (my favourite word of all time) right now. So here is "Let yourself go" from the album "Uno!" (it also has an upside down exclamation mark in the title, but I don't actually know how to type that)

   

Trainwreck

I didn't know who Amy Schumer until I saw her on 'The Graham Norton Show' and I thought she was hilarious. When watching her in interview, I kept thinking "I want her to be my friend" and ever since, I was really looking forward to seeing the movie 'Trainwreck,' which she not only acts in, but also wrote the screenplay. And I really enjoyed it, especially since I saw it with a wonderful group of friends.

'Trainwreck' is about a journalist for a magazine, Amy, who, when she was a kid, her dad told her that "monogamy is not realistic." Now she is an adult and lives by this way of life, until one day she is told to write a feature piece on sports doctor, Aaron (played by Bill Hader, who was brilliant in 'The Skeleton Twins'  that I saw last year with the same group of friends). How she feels about Aaron is different to how she's ever felt about anyone before; the movie looks at her relationship between him, her father and her sister, as well as her struggle with  her own personal problems. The movie was a lot more emotional than I was expecting, but that was a good thing, because it was much more than just a comedy. It was funny, but also very moving, especially when Amy opens up and when there are scenes about her dad. Overall, Amy's lines are so funny, with my favourite scene definitely being the ending, which without spoiling  I'm going to call it the "cheerleader scene."

Funnily enough, the first people I had a full on discussion about this movie, were two friendly police officers. It was at night when I saw the movie and because I was the only person on the train platform on my way home, the two policemen who were there, started conversation. I started off telling them about the movie and they asked whether I would recommend it for them, which I admitted that it was more targeted for a female audience, but just because I think that it's main target is women, that doesn't necessarily mean that guys wouldn't enjoy it. But I would recommend it as a good chic flick. One of the policemen then said that he wants to see 'Jurrasic World' (which I personally would not see and I thought that our taste in movies were definitely different), but then we started talking about 'Inside Out' because all three of us saw it and all thought it was incredibly written, especially how it explains depression to a younger audience. 

Anyway, as I said, I think 'Trainwreck' is great to see with your friends for a girls night out. Also, I do believe it has 86% in Rotten Tomatoes, which just shows that it is a very good movie. 

For No One

I just realised today that I still haven't featured a song by The Beatles, which really is terrible of me, because I absolutely love them. My all-time favourite song of theirs would be 'A Day in the Life' from their album 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band' which is a fantastic album, as it also has my childhood favourite song 'When I'm Sixty-four' (which I would sing with my dad impersonating the instrumentals) as well as other classics like 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' and 'With a little help from my friends.'

But despite my love for that album and those songs that I've mentioned, the song which I'm talking about today is 'For No One.' This is from the album 'Revolver' (another great album), the song sung and written by Paul McCartney and it definitely is one of my top favourite songs of his. It's a very short song, only lasting two minutes, but those two minutes are incredible. Even John Lennon said that it was one of his favourites of Paul's work. It's about the end of a relationship, where love just died for one of them, when it "should have lasted years," however it can be interpreted differently to different people. I know that I interpret it slightly differently, with a whole backstory to how the love died, but I think that's because I just love the song so much that I've dedicated a lot of thought into creating an extra narrative, sort of like the unsaid words within the song. Like the fan fiction of the song, and one day I might even write it. But the lyrics do stand out, with them really placing you into the singer's emotional state; the use of speaking in the second person, which is especially affective. It's an incredibly moving piece, also with brilliant instrumentals.

And in her eyes you see nothing

No sign of love behind the tears

Cried for no one

A love that should have lasted years

Have to say, that I'm also a fan of this album cover

Life Drawing Class #3 and #4

Despite being sick the past couple weeks, I've still been going to my life drawing classes, which have been a great break from the being stuck and confined to bed. In my third class, I was pretty much a zombie and was falling asleep between each sketch, so I have to thank my two friends that do the class with me, who let me do that. And luckily this week, I was well enough to actually stay conscious, so yay! But these are a couple of drawings from the past two classes. This week I think I may have gone a bit overboard with the shading with charcoal overall, but I think I'm just experimenting with trying to make my drawings look more three dimensional. 

Week #3 from the 10 minute pose

Okay, my plan was to show one picture from week 3 and one from week 4, but I was stuck between two of my sketches for week 4. I couldn't decide which one was my favourite and I ended up messaging my friend and asking them their opinion and ended up having a whole big discussion about the different shading between the two. In one of them, I liked how I used the shading to create the torso, while the other I liked how I used movement with the shading to create the hip. It was a lot of fun to analyse my sketches, which I haven't really done before, and it made me feel as if I could actually be an artist (not a very talented one, but an artist non-the-less). Actually, in these classes, the teacher always says that my work is bold, which I take as a compliment, because why not? Anyway, at the end, my friend decided that the shading of the torso won out, which I think is a good decision because that one was also drawn in the ten minutes, while the other option was drawn in forty minutes. 

Week #4 from the 10 minute pose

On another note, I'd like to thank everyone for their patience with me over the past few weeks while I've been unwell, and I promise that next week I'll be back to writing regular posts again. 

Hold it against me

Sorry for not writing much over the past week. I am still really sick and have been devoid of energy and have been stuck in bed for many of the days. I'm so sick of being sick and can't wait to get better. Anyway, I wasn't sure what song to write about today, but last night I had a dream that had Sam Tsui in it. Sam Tsui is a youtuber who does covers of songs, who I have been a fan of for quite a few years. I still remember the first time I heard his voice: my friend had just discovered him and in class when we should have been doing research for a project, she showed me some videos of him singing. And I remember I actually teared up because his voice was just so beautiful. He is able to turn songs that I wasn't a massive fan of, into something so moving and angelic. The prime example of that is his cover of the Britney Spears song 'Hold it against me.' I have never liked Britney Spears. Never. I never liked her voice, or the music because it just sounded completely fake and I just didn't like her when I was a kid and don't like her now. However, Sam Tsui turned 'Hold it against me' into a song of absolute beauty. The original, in my opinion (which is a really harsh one- I'm sorry if I offend anyone who is a Britney Spears fan), sounds trashy, to be honest, but this cover is far from it.

My favourite song that Sam Tsui covers is 'Jar of Hearts,' which was also the first song I heard him sing.  I also love his cover of 'If I die young.' Those two are definitely the top favourites out of the huge selection that he does. And I just have to say, I love all his covers because MAN!!! this guy has an epic voice that I am completely and utterly in love with. But for today, here is 'Hold it against me' sung by Sam Tsui who is also on the piano and accompanied by Kurt Schneider. Hope you fall in love with his work as much as I have: